Tuesday, January 24, 2017
{ 1:26 AM }
the heart wants what it wants
Standstill once again.
Not sure why, is it that he loves me not or that i no longer love him the way i used to?
Is this stage normal?
What should i do with this relationship right now?
It seems like he don't give a shit once again?
Tbh, sometimes when I'm really lost and confused, honestly just want some honest opinions from him.
Or perhaps maybe some honest thoughts and feelings.
Instead, i get all the "okay" and "hmms" which all the more piss and frustrate me more.
Seriously dude, trying to make this work and all i get is "hmms" and being left hanging dry.
Sighs.
I really do not know what to do at this point of time, sometimes I'm like so heartless towards him next moment my heart softens and i apologise.
but isn't that in a sense more cruel towards him?
Im honestly very vexed right now, cry to sleep, cry to wake, cry during showers, cry during work, almost gonna cry while eating.
Do i really wanna end this relationship?
Tuesday, October 11, 2016
{ 3:37 PM }
Occasionally i do still have doubts about our future.
One moment I'm like thinking "I wanna spend my life with this guy and this guy only", next moment I'm like thinking "Maybe we're really not compatible"
Its complicated.
But i guess that's life?
No humans are perfect and that i myself also have many flaws that i know needs some work done.
So its all about give and take.
I just want us to be happy.
Im not sure how much it will effect our life as getting together really isn't only about two person but two families.
Not sure if he communicated well with his family, but i was very clear that i wouldn't stay at his house.
Therefore, not sure if his family find it acceptable.
I'm always asking him to communicate with his family but I'm pretty sure he don't really bother to do so.
End up also i suffer in the end I'm sure of that.
Sighs.
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
{ 12:38 AM }
Updates from previous post..
OUR FLAT APPLICATION GOT REJECT! WTH! ARGHHH
And I really did get back into contact with "V"after contemplating for what seems like forever.
LOL
All's good, better than I've hoped anyways.
Sometime back had a very huge argument with dear dear, we actually broke up for a week or so.
Well, sorta break up I would say.
Worst period ever seriously.
But I guess after resolving the issues, we're more understanding of each other and loving as we really get to see another aspect of relationship I would say.
He even got me rose and a note on our supposing anniversary.
The note really touched me, which is a major factor as to why I soften my attitude a little.
Eventually, we just sorta got back together but slowly and gradually.
Guess you can say we got back right on track and moving forward faster and steadier than ever.
I hope we remain that way moving forward and hand in hand craft and built our future together.
Tuesday, May 31, 2016
{ 10:57 PM }
On a side note,
Some time back,
I mentioned to dear dear i would like to push forward the little nuggets plan from 2017 to this year.
(Technically 2018 la, since i want nuggets to be born in 2018)
He reject me, saying that he would like to stick to plans.
Understandable, I've just graduated and just gotten a job, whereby he is in the midst of his career advancement.
BUT STILL! Looking at other people with their children really just make me feel darn jealous!!
CAN'T WAITTTTT
I hope nuggets would be born in 2018, year of dog (same as me) and in the month of August (same as me also HAHAHAHA)
{ 10:51 PM }
As usual, he don't annoy me he can't go to bed, ARGHHH *roll eyes*
So as usual also, he got scolded by me lo.
I mean he kinda deserve it.
Til now I'm still wondering and asking the million question
"Can we really walk down the path together hand in hand?"
I honestly am very vexed and puzzled by this question but i secretly suspect i'll never get the answer to this question.
Sometimes i feel i just wanna reach this stage of life i fast forward all thats happening at the moment.
In the end, i missed out a lot.
Therefore i keep reminding myself and telling myself to take it slow.
I need to see and appreciate and cherish current moment before it passes.
I know i'll regret someday if not now.
Which reminds me of this guy from my past, that never seems to stop haunting me till this day.
People know him by Hxxxxa but i know him as "V".
This is the nickname i called him by, or at least used to.
Those were really good times and the times that really taught me a lesson.
A lesson called regret.
To be honest, time to time, i would dig out our stuff like my birthday cards from him my gift to him and just think of the past and all the "what ifs"
I held all those memories close to heart.
I guess the hardest part to let go was how things ended between us.
I mean its been so long, and i don't know and can't remember what went wrong with our friendship also.
Till today i still find it a pity how things ended between us, you know.
Such a pity it sucks balls lo.
Writing about him is not to get him back or what, but i really cannot get over the fact of how things ended between us.
I think a few years back we did have a brief conversation which made me wonder if he thought it was a pity as to how things ended between us.
I guess I'm just like so, i need closure.
I've talk to dear dear about this, he told me that if i wanna contact "V", i should just go ahead
(thanks dear dear for being so understanding), but he also told me it'll be a waste of time.
But i just wanna find closure somewhere between conversations.
i guess? i hope we can still be friends. even thought i only maintain contact with like Janice, Lijia, YP and XW from back in the days la.
I guess i'll summon the courage.
PS: Even thought i know chances are slim, i hope dear dear and i get the AMK flat we've applied for, results out by July!
*praying damn hard, literally*
Friday, March 18, 2016
{ 10:45 PM }
Sometimes I wish I'd never met him. And I'd rather be single. Loving someone for me is just to mentally and physically exhausting. I can't just love some one 50-70%. I must love him with all my heart! But I guess it's too overwhelming for him sometimes. Thing is, I'm really glad and find it amazing how he can tolerate my temper and my tantrums sometimes.
And for that I'm really grateful.
Maybe Tts why I know I can never really leave him.
After each quarrel, we're so close to breaking up but he just try to win me back in his own way. I like his effort.
Some ppl feel Tt I'm too young to start a family but I just wanna.
But i don't think anyone will understand anws.
Sunday, January 10, 2016
{ 5:20 PM }
Have our little nugget at October 2017
