Wednesday, February 26, 2014
{ 12:43 AM }
Sighs.
I'm experiencing insomnia now that I'm free of education obligation (for the time being)..
Seriously WTF!
I feel kinda lost now that I have the world's time :x
I honestly have no idea where to spent my time meaningfully!
I wanna read, I CAN'T!
Cause i over-abused my eyes for the past few months, I have difficulty seeing things and focusing for too long due to blurred vision.
And to top it of, BANNED FROM CONTACT LENSES x__x
Great, can't go anywhere, can't read anything, can't even watch some drama to kill time!
Wanna cook, who eat?
Wanna bake, oven spoil!
Sighs, 人生真是一点乐趣都没有...
Sunday, February 23, 2014
{ 9:31 PM }
Is it me or something that i just hate it when people force me to do smth i don't wanna do i get turn off?
Okay first of all,
1. I seriously hate it when people repeatedly ask me to do smth i already said no
2. Yes it affects my mood BIG TIME!
3. The more you ask me to do smth the more i'll do the opposite or vice versa
4. This is the main reason why i think having a boyfriend is annoying, i hate it when someone try to make me do smth i dislike
Like seriously, don't force something on me or idk what nasty thing i'll do or say :x
Wednesday, February 19, 2014
{ 12:53 AM }
Just now i tried to do a few OCD test wanting to prove that i do not have OCD...
Turns out, its quite severe. OMG!
Cannot tell my sisters man, or I'll get laughed to death like SERIOUSLY.
So what, anyways i think it doesn't really affect my life..
I just love to organise thing abit more, like to wash my hands abit more, see numbers in odd or even numbers abit more, worry abit more...
Okay, i know it looks bad, but no. I'm fine with it.
Hahas ;D
Tuesday, February 18, 2014
{ 12:09 AM }
有一種 愛它曾經住在我心裡陪伴我熬過多少個無聲哭泣 不懂愛情 我的心如此無力
Monday, February 17, 2014
{ 3:53 AM }
记得大概6年前，
被当时最深爱的朋友和男友狠狠地伤害和背叛。。。
从此我的憧憬被抹杀，我不再相信友情，更抗拒爱情。。。
因为骄傲坚强的我 坚持不受伤 拒绝伤心，
但其实当时的我早已崩溃， 也早已经逐渐走向自我毁灭的路。。
半年后， 我看开了。。。
不再哭 不再失眠 不再割手 不再绝食 也不再胸口痛，
因为再痛苦也只是这样罢了。。。
死不了就好好活着。
抛下朋友一走了之 从此断绝关系，
因为我不能忍受最后一个知道真相，
这是背叛！
挣扎了好多年，
试着把感情放在别人身上 也只是惹得自己别人一身伤，
到头来就闹了一场笑话。。。
尽管这么多年来我还是偶尔失失眠 吃不下饭 胃痛 和哭着睡
但也习惯了
但是却一天比一天累，
因为没有目标的活着吗？
迈向第七年，朋友还在请求我原谅，希望能重修旧好
但是至今我的心还是不完整， 依然淌着血。。。
这样的我没有办法释怀， 没有办法也没有资格接受任何一种情！
逐渐的也放弃试着接受任何人，顺其自然就好。。。
很自在，
但却觉得对不起一些身边的人。。。
因为我不会也不知道要怎么付出真心。。。
唉。。。。。。。
It's a kind of regret come to think of it,
cause at that time I didn't handle my r/s well with Hendra, so we ended up on the wrong side.
Thinking back now when he refuses to acknowledge my presence makes my heart ache a bit,
cause we're friends no longer.
It's sad cause i couldn't let him into my heart so i choose to let him go...
Sometimes i wonder how we would have turned out to be..
I just hope i don't make this mistakes anymore with relationships with my friends or whatsoever,
I hope i'll still be friends with them despite how the future might turn out to be...
—————————————————————————
如果妳在看， 我想对你说：
我真的放下了，但还是不能原谅。
所以这样就好，
不要打扰彼此的生活。
let bygones be bygones..
我知道妳也不好受，但是是自找的吧？
所以放下从前， 勇敢的往前走吧。。。
然而对于现在一直默默的在我身边的他们， 我想说：
"谢谢你，
一直在我身边， 温柔的， 安静的，鼓励支持我。。
但是你值得更好，
不要再傻傻的等，
我相信你一定可以找到更好的。。。
这样呆在我身边值得吗？
就是因为你这样， 我才心痛。。
因为你好傻！！！
但是相对的，
只要你需要我的一天， 我也会支持你！
谢谢你！"
Remember the past & Cherish your present...
Sunday, February 16, 2014
{ 1:04 AM }
{ 12:30 AM }
My beloved sister Debbie, likes to ask me this:
"Why can't you stand the touch of people?"
Well, i honestly don't know! It's frustrating to not know why too okay...
But seriously, i can't stand the touch of my family members too sometimes :x
Beats me why but that's just me...
Guess i just can't stand the thought of people getting into body contact with me.
But if you force yourself onto me like a few more times, maybe I'll get used to it?
HAHA
Sighs.
I don't know.
Anws, ALOT and i mean ALOT ALOT of people constantly keep asking me where's my boyfriend.
Whenever the 大人 see like all the so called fortune teller, they like to ask them if i will be able to get married and stuff?!?!
LIKE SERIOUSLY WTF.
OKAY, I MAY HAVE A FIERY TEMPER BUT DOESN'T MEAN I 没有人要 OKAY!!!
Some more the 师父 say I 旺夫命 okay!
And this is where all the trouble begins...
Apparently I'm a "人才", whatever i wanna do I'll succeed.
And also I'm No.4 (Don't ask me what this means pls), which is what S.M needs.
So S.M immediately wants me to go HY work.
Cause 师父 say I work at a place will never leave again.
S.M and 师父 even asked me to stop my studies -__-
So as i was saying I'll consider.
And all of a sudden, WOW, she friggin announce during meeting I'm joining the sales team
x__x
Okay, pls, wanna show off i working there also don't need sabo me lor.
I know ALOT of ppl don't want me to work there, some see me as a threat or some see me as a walking spy cam but what can i say?
This is family business,
HELLO I DON'T HAVE A CHOICE OKAY.
我不是吃饱没有事情做,
在那里挡你们的财路,
等人家来暗杀我,
被人讨厌 okay!
In fact with my diploma i can get better job prospects okay
-__-
I know. My determination to get rid of some people in the company, and also given my character, they see me as a threat and will definitely try to back stab me or whatever shit like before, its gonna be tough.
And also, i got no back up, just on my own.
Maybe I'll go crazy like the last time even. Haha
Whatever lah...
走一步是一步了啦..
Oops, going back to the topic, I just can't stand people's body contact.
Unless, i don't give you my disgusted face, please don't touch my lah.
This is my conclusion.
Boyfriend or not, not important lah..
Have better things to do.
I know people see me as being very contradictory all the time but that's just ME lor.
*shrugs shoulder*
FUCK MY LIFE
Saturday, February 15, 2014
{ 3:21 PM }
Finally last 9 days before I unofficially graduate.
This marks the end of my polytechnic life.
I'm just glad that at the last phase of my poly life i met my current PTN and he taught me a lot and gave me the courage and determination to embark on my journey : sales route.
I'm gonna move on to the next transition of life.
Not sure how it'll turn out but I'm sure it ain't gonna be easy yea.
But its alright, cause i know in the end I'll always the winner.
So those who wanna get in my way, too bad.
Last but not least, the NGC competition, wow.
That is the first friggin' time i presented in a theatre man.
But i guess currently my guts level just up-ed one more level.
HAHA
Can't deny my last part of poly life was the most agonising but most fruitful phase.
Although i feel that i didn't really do that much for projects cause i feel left out (anws, its past tense, no point talking about it), but i still learnt a lot.
So i have to thank my group mates.
My english also improved drastically due to the need to constantly speak good english ;D
In all, I once again did not regret my choice to go into a polytechnic!!!
I'm out.
